This evening I decided that I wanted nothing more than to cook up a batch of pre-made-batter brownies. I was making a big pot of chili for dinner/freezing, and I figured that as long as I was doing the cooking thing I may as well enjoy the shit out of it. So… made the brownies, and ate about three of them while sitting around waiting for the chili to simmer itself to perfection. Yummm.
As I was getting into the shower just now, seeing my bod in the mirror made me think of those silly commercials for weight-loss programs – especially that one where they prescribe a meal plan and send you pre-made mini meals that constitute “perfect serving sizes” and are far too small to satisfy anybody with half an appetite. The before/after photo dynamic. I was looking, and seeing the kind of body that could be a more realistic version of the ‘after,’ because I’m pretty slim but with the normal number of real-person-type bulgy spots and cellulite and whatever else. So I think I look pre-photoshop thin.
The thing is… I didn’t build this bod on a carefully-regimented eating plan; I built it on WHATEVER THE FUCK I FEEL LIKE EATING. And it hasn’t changed much in the last couple of years. In high school/first year university, I had a restricted-calorie phase that meant I lost about twenty pounds and thought about nothing but food and exercise to keep myself that weight. Somewhere around August of that year, I decided that this was kind of a waste of my mental energy (this took waaaaaaay too long). So I threw my dietary caution to the wind and started eating whatever I wanted. I gained back my normal weight, plus about ten pounds, within a year. After that, I continued the same way… and after another year, I’d lost about ten pounds without really intending to do so. Now (a year and a half later-ish) I’m that same weight. And I’m still not really trying to make myself this way, and I still occasionally eat two bowls of ice cream or three brownies or even ice cream with a little bit of brownie crumbled into it (D, are you reading this? mmmm…).
The point is: My body seems to be pretty cool with the weight it’s at now. I don’t have to spend an excess of time or energy thinking about food, or counting calories, or exercising, to stay this way. I could name people I know with larger bodies who eat much better than I do, and are more conscious of maintaining a good exercise routine (rather than just letting a bike or walk commute fulfill that need). And their bodies probably feel best the way they are now.
And so… (I meant this post to be much shorter than it is, ha) I’ll direct you to Shapely Prose, a fat acceptance blog with four fabulous contributors. They’ve helped me to do a lot of critical thinking on how I view my own body and other people’s bodies. As well as critical thinking on how I interpret the moral imperative that is HEALTHY EATING! I definitely enjoy good food, but I also enjoy ‘bad’ food, and I don’t find it all that productive to deny myself the occasional brownie or three. And I think that should be okay not only for people who have acceptable body sizes, but also for people who have larger bodies, or less mainstream-beautiful bodies.
Feel free to think what you will of this; I felt that it was important to write this myself rather than just reading and never explicitly endorsing it. See? I’m being an ally! You can do it too!
